Posts tagged ‘florida government’

April 28, 2011

A brief intermission in which Nicole informs Florida of its incompetence and ridicules the state government

by Nicole Lee


Dear Florida (Government),

I’d like you to remember back a few years with me to a date some time ago. June 17th of 1986, to be precise. Yes, that was the day my lovely face graced this wide world with my presence. I was tiny and scared, but happy to have met you. We had some really great times in those first years. Legally, I mean. With my adoption and the time we had to spend dealing with the goings on of paperwork filing and moving about. Through it all we were great buddies. Then, when I moved to Michigan I missed your state so very, very much. Your warm weather, salty oceans, culturally diverse cities. Deep down I hoped you missed me too. Unfortunately for us the better part of twenty years meant we would not be in touch. I never forgot you, dearest Florida. Never.

Then I came back. Brought all of my things, my cats, myself. We were to be reunited at long last! A glorious reunion of epic proportions, as it were! So for the last year and a half we’ve been bonding, rekindling, finding ourselves together. I’ve enjoyed it so much.

But it wasn’t until today that I realized how little I mean to you. I mean, when I went into the Vital Statistics office to get my birth certificate reprinted, as it was issued here, YOU FORGOT HOW TO SPELL MY NAME. It has been over 22 years since my name had an “h” in it, Florida (Government). It changed before I ever left! How could you forget that? Forget me?

Now I’m dealing with your people to correct their mistake at my expense. I do not know how you could do this to me. I don’t know that we’ll ever truly recover from this. I hope you understand my pain and the suffering you’ve caused me. My heart is bleeding and you just don’t care.

I don’t believe I can continue this letter. Let’s suffice to say I need some time off.

Also, if I don’t get my passport in time for my cruise I might have to beat you up. Just a forewarning.

Broken and hurt,

Nicole, with no “h”

Wooooooow. Today turned out to be an absolutely ridiculous series of events that cost more, took more time and still didn’t really get resolved properly (in my eyes) than I can tell you, but let me try.

My birth certificate and passport are missing. So to get the passport (for my cruise in August) replaced I need my birth cert. The following is the adventure:

The state of Florida now has vital stats offices that will reissue records on site, which is great! Lunch break errands here I come! I go in, give my stuff to the woman, duck out to grab my food, duck back in to get my paperwork and lo and behold: my name is spelled incorrectly. The women behind the counter says, “Yeah, it had an ‘h’ on file, so I printed it that way.” In my head I’m thinking, “My old birth cert, driver’s license, social security card and old passport had no ‘h’…hmm…” But she tells me I’ll need to get in touch with the state to fix it as the office there had no control.

Alright, I phone the state. They look into it. Yup! They had it wrong, so they correct it in the system and tell me I’ll need to get it reissued. At my cost. My reaction is obvious.

Me: So I’m going to have to take another lunch break, go back in, pay another $15 to get this thing reprinted because you had my name wrong, because you didn’t look into it when you realized my license had it spelled differently and because you didn’t tell me that if I walked out you couldn’t fix it?

Her: Yes, that’s correct.

I fought for a little while and they told me they would mail me a new one if I mail the incorrect one back to them, free of charge (I mean, OF COURSE). But it could take 5-10 days. So much for being convenient, right? I guess it’s worked out well enough in the end, right? And as long as I get the passport issued in time I’ll be alright.

But jeez…the government, man. Nickel and dimin’ us for every cent they can with no hope of retaliation. Story of our lives, brothers and sisters. Story of our lives.